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Archive for the ‘Your Dating Questions’ Category



Why am I always just the friend?

Sunday, October 20th, 2013

In today’s blog I answer another member’s dating problem.

bear

How do you avoid the dreaded “friends zone”?

Dear James,

I hope you can help me.  I don’t seem to have a problem getting dates but I always seem to end up in the “just a friend” category after.  We’ll have a good time and I’ll be looking forward to seeing them again, only to be blown out. They’ll tell me I’m a lovely guy but they just seem see me as a friend.  What can I do about this?

G

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Dear G,
Many thanks for your email.  It’s very easy to get stuck in the friends zone if you don’t make your interest clear.

I’m going to show you how to move on from friend to boyfriend.

1) Be flirty.   You need to try and escalate things physically.  Stay clear of anthing creepy of course,  but you do have to lightly touch her every now and again. This can be as simple as touching her arm or giving her a quick hug at the start of the date.  Once you are sure she is comfortable, step it up a little. Perhaps you can give her a high five or hold her wrist while you pretend to be interested in her watch.

2) Be a a Man.  Women need to respect your masculinity if they want to date you. This means paying the bills, being confident and not chasing them round like a lovesick puppy.

3) Be Romantic.  If you want her to feel romantic towards you then you need to set the scene.  Take her to romantic places, buy her small gifts and treat her like she’s the most important person you’ve ever met.   If she feels special then you’ll be making her feel good too – meaning she will want more of it!

4) Make your interest clear.  How will they know you like them if you are too nervous to tell them?  Bite the bullet and make your move.  If you delay it she’ll assume you only want to be friends and it’s very hard to turn it round.

5) Remember all is not lost.  Many friendships do eventually turn into relationships and can often be longer lasting because of it.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.muslimsinglesolution.com

Dating Guru’s Mailbag: Why can’t I find a decent man?

Monday, August 19th, 2013

Here is another question

for our Dating Guru

” Dear James, I’m a divorced 34 year old Muslim single mother.  I have a Masters Degree, a job that I love and own two houses.

I have reached a time in my life where I would like to start dating and maybe get married again one day. So far, I have had a hard time meeting mature men my own age. My friends assure me that I’m a great catch – beautiful, great catch, funny, good personality etc.  However, the few guys I’ve dated have called things off for really odd reasons. I had one date that I felt went well. Later that night he sends me a TEXT MESSAGE to say the conversation was great and you’re a beautiful girl. But, you being a vegetarian is a deal breaker
for me.” Other situations didn’t fare much better. I find it very very very hard to believe that being a vegetarian is that much of a turn off to somebody. Where is a good place to meet a mature man in his late 30’s (no bars please!).  Is Online Dating really that safe? Please can you help?  M”

Hi M,

Many thanks for your question.  It’s something I get asked all the time so I’ll definitely try to help 🙂  You need to know that you are not alone and there are huge numbers of women in the same situation.

Let’s get right to the point.  You are right, it was probably nothing to do with being a vegetarian.  ( Unless he was a butcher?!)   It’s much more likely that these men are getting cold feet simply because you have a child. I know, it’s very unfair, but not many younger men are mature enough to handle it. They aren’t ready to take on extra responsibility and will want to have kids of their own a bit later in their lives. Some even have a hard time looking after themselves right now!  Not only that but they will be paranoid about your ex-husband popping back on the scene at some point, even if he isn’t at the moment. It’s not just you who they are dating, but three of you.  They don’t want to hurt your feelings and tell you this directly so they make up crazy excuses instead.

Oh, and to top this off, there are men who will even be intimidated or insecure that you’ve got a great job, your own place etc if they’re not sorted their own lives out.

But don’t worry, once men get a bit older and grow up a bit, they can be quite happy to settle down. There are many decent men in their 30s who would jump at the chance to date you, it’s just a matter of finding them!

So, what do I suggest? Find out if there are any singles events in your area. Most busy cities have them each week and most men are professional and settled.   At the very least you will make some new friends and have a great night out.

Online dating is definitely your best way forward.  Firstly, you can state clearly that you are a single mother so you’ll only be contacted by men who are happy with that. If you are told you are beautiful then why not use that to your advantage and put up some great pictures to get attention? Remember to be proactive on the dating site too. You can’t just wait for people to contact you. Take action and you’ll soon have them queing up to date you 🙂 Safety isn’t really an issue on the decent dating sites. Just remember not to give out your surname, real email or phone number until you are sure you are interested.  Trust your instincts, meet in a safe busy place you know and always tell a friend where you will be.

Finally, another great idea can be to get all your friends to help you. Tell them what you are looking for and ask if they know any great guys. People love challenges like this and you never know you might meet.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru
www.muslimsinglesolution.com

Dating Problems Solved: Who should pay?

Sunday, April 7th, 2013

Here is a dating dilemma

bill

Who should pay on a first date?

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Dear James,

Should a guy pay for dinner and drinks on a first date?

I recently had a date with a girl who I met for drinks. It went really well and I took her out to dinner straight after.  I very much got on with her and hoped to see her again. Traditionally a guy would normally pay for the girl, but I had gone on a date with another girl previously who was adamant that she should pay for herself, even for a soft drink. With this in mind, I decided that we should split the cost for dinner. Later on it pertained that she wasn’t impressed and expected me to pay for everything. She didn’t appreciate it and ended it quickly. I didn’t mind but I am really confused now.

In today’s society women want their independence and I assumed they are generally happy to pay their own way (at least on the first date). It also spells to me that the guy is not paying his way into a potential relationship.

I’m not a miser and I’m happy to spend on my family and friends but I think that if you are complete strangers then I wouldn’t want her to take advantage from the off. A couple of close female friends of mine also agree with me, but I think for the future I would like to know the best way to go about it.

Z

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Dear Z,

Many thanks for your question. I feel your frustration, I really do.  Dating can be really expensive for a guy and it’s hard working out whether you should pay or not.

However, there’s one basic rule that we always suggest you stick to – the man should always pay!

The reasoning behind this is that it’s the man’s job to be a gentleman and take care of the lady.  You have to show her that you are a good provider and it’s something that goes back to cavemen times.  Above all, it shows that he can take the initiative and lead.

With that in mind, the woman should always at least offer to split the bill, but the man should not let her on a first date.

Going back to the lady who insisted she pay for her own soft drinks, did you ever see her again?  I’m guessing not.   If someone makes a point of not letting you pay, she’s pretty much telling you she’s not interested and doesn’t want to lead you on.

So I’m afraid you do have to open your wallet if you want to get more dates…..and you’ll get bonus points for tipping the waiting staff well.   If you can’t afford it then forget dinner and stick to coffees.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.muslimsinglesolution.com

Are you being too keen?

Sunday, December 12th, 2010

Today I’m going to answer a dating dilemma

dog

Dear James,

I’ve  had some dates with a great guy recently.  Things are going good and we get on really well…but he’s just a bit too keen!   He gets upset if we don’t speak every day and keeps texting me all the time.  I can’t breathe but I want to give him a chance!   Can you give me some  advice please?

N

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Dear N,

Of course, I’m always happy to help.   It’s a tough situation as you need to  tread carefully.  If you play harder to get then he might try even harder.  But if you don’t then he’ll put you off and it will be too late to do anything.  That would be a real waste  if you do like each other.

Some people need constant reassurance that all is going well and they are worried they might lose momentum if they don’t show they are interested.  The trouble is that it’s just not sexy being a lovesick puppy keeping track the whole time.

I’d advise you to just be honest with him.  Tell him you do like him but he needs give you some space and take a breather.  You need to discuss limits and make sure he sticks to them.

You might even you want to contact HIM if he does this properly.  You’ll begin to miss him a little bit more and more, boosting your feelings.

Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.muslimsinglesolution.com