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Archive for 2010



Are you being too keen?

Sunday, December 12th, 2010

Today I’m going to answer a dating dilemma

dog

Dear James,

I’ve  had some dates with a great guy recently.  Things are going good and we get on really well…but he’s just a bit too keen!   He gets upset if we don’t speak every day and keeps texting me all the time.  I can’t breathe but I want to give him a chance!   Can you give me some  advice please?

N

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Dear N,

Of course, I’m always happy to help.   It’s a tough situation as you need to  tread carefully.  If you play harder to get then he might try even harder.  But if you don’t then he’ll put you off and it will be too late to do anything.  That would be a real waste  if you do like each other.

Some people need constant reassurance that all is going well and they are worried they might lose momentum if they don’t show they are interested.  The trouble is that it’s just not sexy being a lovesick puppy keeping track the whole time.

I’d advise you to just be honest with him.  Tell him you do like him but he needs give you some space and take a breather.  You need to discuss limits and make sure he sticks to them.

You might even you want to contact HIM if he does this properly.  You’ll begin to miss him a little bit more and more, boosting your feelings.

Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.muslimsinglesolution.com

About the Muslim Single Solution

Monday, November 15th, 2010

Announcing our new Dating site for British Asian Muslims

Islamic Moon and Star

Read all about it here

Following on from the success of our Asiansinglesolution.com and Singlesolution.com  websites, we are very pleased to announce the arrival of our newest site –  www.muslimsinglesolution.com.

We have launched this due to popular demand after running many fantastic Muslim events.

This new site will be focussing on Modern, British born Muslim Professionals

Once registered, you can easily search profiles by Mother Tongue e.g. Urdu, Bengali, Gujurati, Punjabi

Regular Muslim speed dating events held in coffee shops or restaurants.

Events discounts for full members

To get started sign up now!

Existing members will be moved over to the new site, so you can log in straight away with your existing email and password. You can read more about this CLICK HERE

www.muslimsinglesolution.com

How to write an amazing online dating profile

Thursday, November 11th, 2010

Here’s our advice on writing the perfect dating profile

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So many people get this wrong, but follow my advice to get amazing results!

I’m going to break the perfect dating profile into four easy bitesize steps.

Part 1:  The Intro

Firstly- you need to explain who you are and what has brought you to the site.  This is your opportunity to ignire their imagination and get their full attention.  You don’t want to bored them or they’ll move on the next person.   Keep it straight to the point – it’s not a life story but a snippet about you.

Part 2:  Tell them about yourself

The next phase of your profile  is where you get to sell yourself with your own “advert” .  Write about what you like doing, what you have to offer and why people should be interested in dating you.  What makes you stand out from all everyone else on the dating site?

Part 3:  Write about the person you want to meet

What do you want in a partner?  What’s vital to you? Don’t go on about all the things you don’t want.  A negative personality is never attractive!

Part 4:  Ask them to get in touch

This is often overlooked but it’s  perhaps the most important of all the sections.   You are inviting them to get in touch, so give them a reason.  Ask a question or invite them to suggest something.  Don’t be tempted to say “Get in touch” or “Drop me an email” as that’s not enough.

One final tip for you.   Don’t be tempted to write too much. People have busy lives and want to be able to get a quick idea of what you are like and who you are.   You can save in depth debates and three page anecdotes for when you meet!  It should be long enough to hook them in, but short enough to intrigue them.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.muslimsinglesolution.com/blog

How to meet new people

Thursday, November 11th, 2010

How many new people have you met today?  This week?  This month?

chatting

If you’ve answered with a low number, you are probably not looking hard enough!

Whenever you go out you have the opportunity to talk to other singles – whether it’s on your way to work, your lunch break or just waling down the street.

Here are some opportunities you might be missing with some advice on how to make them work for you.

1) Bookshop.   A great place to meet, although you might need to think quickly!  The best way to approach someone you want to talk to is to take note of what they are reading.  Find a similar book, stand near them and ask if they’ve read it.   Tell them you are new to whatever subject it is and would like to learn about.   It doesn’t matter what – cooking, goldfish or synchronised swimming.  It’s the very fact you appear to have a mutual interest that will help you both bond.

2) Shopping Mall.   This is my personal favourite.  Go into any shop with the idea that you have to buy a present for someone of the opposite sex – perhaps your mother, neighbour or favorite Uncle.  Walk up to someone that catches their eye and their opinion.  People LOVE to be asked what they think !

3) Outside. Where do single people hang out at lunchtime when they don’t have anywhere else to go?  That’s right, the park!  Take a packed lunch and enjoy the sunshine. If noting more, it’s a great chance to people watch.

4) Train Station, Bus stop or even Airport.   Nobody likes waiting for public transport and it can be incredibly dull.  All you have to do is walk up to someone you fancy and ask if they’ve been waiting long – instant conversation starter!

5) Book to see a talk or sign up for evening classes.  Many people go to these on their own and there are plenty of chances to chat before, during and afterwards.  You can find information about these in Metro or your local free newspaper.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.muslimsinglesolution.com

Never give up!

Wednesday, November 10th, 2010

Do you find dating hard?  Not having the success you want?

snoopy

In today’s blog I’m going to motivate you to keep at it!

A lot of people seem to give up far too easily and quickly when it comes to dating.  Maybe they will join an online dating site, send out some messages and then get disappointed when they don’t get lots of replies.  Or perhaps they’ll go to a singles party but not find anyone they like there.

Rather than keep at it, they’ll think “Well I’ve tried that and it didn’t work.  Now I can cross that off my list.”

We know that it can sometimes seem exhausting if you don’t get get instant results but dating is a trial and error process and the more you do then the better you’ll get at it

Yes, you will probably make mistakes to begin with but you will learn from them.

You need to keep in mind that these things really do work!  Every day we get success stories sent to us from people who struck lucky.  The secret is to keep at it – like most things in life you get out of it what you put into it.  Otherwise it’s like joining a gym, going twice and then quitting because you weren’t miraculously fit and muscular.  These things can take time.

One person said to me recently that they’ve calculated they would have to send out 100 messages to get 10 replies back which would lead to one or two dates.  They just didn’t have time to be sending out so many messages each week.

My reply to him was that he was thinking about the negative side of things rather than the reality.  What if one of the first people he met up with turned out to be his Miss Right?   He’d then be able to stop messaging people.  Therefore, he should spend more time making sure he has the best profile, photos and messages possible right from the start.  He can then be sure he’s equipping himself with the best tools for the job.

The more work you put in at the start, then the quicker you’ll see the results!

If you ever find yourself tempted to give up then get a friend to help you.  Ask them to send out some messages with you or attend events with you.  That way you’ll get a whole new perspective on things.

Finally, we are here to help if you ever need motivation. All you need to do is ask.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.muslimsinglesolution.com

Making a great first impression

Wednesday, November 10th, 2010

Here’s how to make a great first impression

first-impression

If you’d like to  make a long lasting  first impression, stand out from the crowd, build rapport instantly and impress people then there is one major thing you need to do above everything else. ….

MAKE SURE YOU SMILE!

Yes, this is a very very obvious tip but it’s also one that many people sadly overlook.  It’s the golden rule for flirting but we it’s amazing that a tiny number of people come to our events and don’t smile.  Even when we greet them on arrival, they look miserable and won’t even respond to  our hellos.  Instead, they’ll hide in the corner looking moody and this makes it very difficult for people to then go up to them.  I know that this might be because they are shy, but you really don’t need to be.  You just have to move out of your comfort zone and appreciate that everyone else is in the same situation. Remember our hosts are always there to help you.

If you are nervous then it’s easy to fake a smile. Think of something that makes you laugh or picture a happy memory. A warm smile will make you seem friendly and confident and instantly puts everyone at ease.  Think these happy thoughts before you enter the venue and you’ll feel so much better.

Just don’t go overboard of you’ll end up looking a little bit silly!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.muslimsinglesolution.com

Your frequently asked questions

Wednesday, November 10th, 2010

Here are the answers to some of our most frequently asked questions

Pic_Common_Questions

1)  How many successes do you get on your Muslim site?

We have had many Muslim success stories through our AsianSinglesolution site so we know this will increase on the Muslim site.  We find that people who are the right calibre and proactive will soon meet someone. Always remember to keep positive, realistic and make sure you are the best “you” possible.

2) I want to just pay to send one message at a time – can I do that?

Unfortunately not. ! This is a bit like going into a supermarket and trying to buy a slice of bread, rather than a loaf . It costs a lot of money to develop and run the site and as such we have to charge for it. If we allowed people to buy just one credit or reply to one message then it would simply have to cost about the same as a one month membership. The second reason is that we absolutely want you to have dating success. This means you needs to take control and message a lot of people. The more effort you put into it then the more results you will have.

3)  Can I attend  your younger parties?  Everyone tells me I don’t look my age!

We probably get asked this question once a day.

It’s strange how everyone tells us how “people think they are ten years younger.” What they are forgetting is that this isn’t the point. It’s irrelevant how you look – our members are paying to meet people in the correct age categories.

We just enforce age limits in place for the good of everyone. Guests need to be within a certain age range to make sure they only meet suitable people.

Having said that, we can sometimes be a little flexible on age limits. If the average age of the guests if higher than normal then we might be able to let a few people in.

4) Why are male and female prices different?

Generally speaking they aren’t – the prices are the same. It’s just that the earlier you book then the cheaper the tickets. As women buy earlier than men then tickets go up in price quicker so it just appears.

However, for some events it’s supply and demand and we have to take action to ensure even ratios. It’s always worth remembering that we always charge more for last minute tickets if they are available so booking early is always the best police.

5) Why aren’t I getting many messages?

This is one of our most popular questions.   You need to contact people, not the other way around!

Not proactively sending 5 to 10 new messages per week is similar to signing up for a gym, not going and then wondering why you aren’t getting fit. Even members who get lots of emails still need to be proactive to target the people they want, rather than the members who tend to send out lots of messages.

We have loads of new members joining each month, so you should easily find 10 to 20 people you like, to message/wink/add to favourites each month. Oh and have some great photos and log in regularly too to boost your chances.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.muslimsinglesolution.com

Muslim Success Story

Tuesday, August 31st, 2010

Here is a real story, sent to us recently.

I am an Asian Muslim, and I found my partner through the Single Solution. We hope to be married soon.

Love

Love

Sadly, I was divorced after a short unsuccessful marriage. But I found love again. Here’s how it happened!

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I was young and naive and I got married at a young age. I thought nothing could stop us but after just a year things had clearly not worked out.  One day he just got up and left without even saying goodbye. I had really tried to make the relationship work but it wasn’t to be.

In our Muslim society, our culture meant that I was considered an outcast because I was separated. This had it’s effect on me and my family. Life went on, but eventually I realised that it was time to move on and I started to pro-actively look for someone new to share my life with.

It was really hard at first because of the stigma attached. Most Asian Muslim men would not even look at my profile when I mentioned I was separated. I then eventually decided, that although it was hiding an important fact, I had to remove the fact I was married from my profile. I realised that I could easily tell them once we started chatting.

I started chatting with a guy through your site Muslimsinglesolution.com and we started messaging each other at first. We met up and really seemed to ‘click’. As I had planned, I soon told him the truth about my divorce and told him that if he felt he wanted to end it here then that would be fine with me.

We actually agreed to stop seeing each other as a result of my past, but a few days later he came back to me and apologized. He askied me to forgive him and that he had never ‘clicked’ so well with someone before. We soon started dating again and found there was a good chemistry between us. We felt relaxed in each other’s company.

It wasn’t till later on that we realised that we actually lived round the corner from each other and that our sisters were best friends when they were younger. Our parents even knew each other.

So now we are four months on, and still going strong. Things have become ‘serious’ in that we actually both think we could have a future together (Asian Muslims always think long term when we meet someone). However there are complications in that I do not think his parents will accept me as I have been married before (if things were to get to that point).

www.muslimsinglesolution.com

Ten biggest turn offs in Muslim dating

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

What are your biggest Dating Turn offs?

Yuck

I’m the UK’s top Dating Guru,  and people always tell me their biggest dating turn offs.  These can be tiny things, but some come up over and over again.  It’s time for you to read and learn in case you are making the same mistakes!

1) Bad Body Odour and personal hygiene. This usually tops most people’s list of turn offs. It goes without saying that you should take a shower, shave  and smell nice if you want to attract other people.

2) Smoking. This is not just extremely anti-social but it gives you terrible breath and shows you don’t take your health seriously.  Funnily enough, it seems that even smokers don’t want to date other smokers!

3) Avoiding direct eye contact. Always remember that eye contact is crucial so don’t stare at the floor. If you look nervous then it just gives the impression that you have something to hide.

4) Assuming the world revolves around you. You really don’t need to talk endlessly about yourself or stare at the mirror the whole time. Focus on the person you are dating and make them feel like the centre of your universe.

5) Being Negative.  There’s really nothing worse than being a “victim” and talking about all your problems on a date. It’s just not attractive! Instead, try and see the positive side of everything and remember to laugh and smile often.

6) Being a cheapskate. We say this time and time again but men should always pay the bill on the first date but the woman should at least offer. If you are stingy with money then you are probably stingy with your time and affection too.

7) Not having a photo on your online dating profile. This is major error that many people seem to make. If you don’t have a photo or demand to see one before sending out yours, then it shows insecurity and the strong possibility that you have something to hide. Even worse are photos with sunglasses or hats. Why would you wear the hat if you had a lovely head of hair?

8) Being too keen.  There’s nothing wrong with showing that you are serious about dating but don’t take things to far or too fast.  You don’t need to make plans for the next five weekends on your first date.  Take a little time to get to know each other slowly. Give yourselves time to miss each other.

9) Not making it clear when you aren’t interested. Some people think they are being kind by not directly rejecting someone. Instead they just ignore calls, emails and texts and cut off all contact. The trouble with this is that nobody gets any closure and it just stretches it out. If you have to, be polite and honest rather than give them hope. It’s kinder in the long run!

10) Trying to change them. It can sometimes be easy to overlook the flaws in a relationship. Instead, you think that you will be able to sort them out and get them to work on the things you don’t like. Wrong! Focus on the things you do like about them. Everyone has flaws and they just make is human. If you were both perfect life could be very boring indeed.

I’d love to hear about your own dating turn offs. Add a comment on this blog !

James Preece – The Dating Guru
www.muslimsinglesolution.com

The truth about Online Dating

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

If you mention online dating everyone has an opinion, mostly outdated

Lies

So what is the truth?  Does it really work?

1) Aren’t they just weirdos?

Over 50% of singles have tried online dating, so you can’t class that many as “weird”! Yes, as with any large mix of people there will be a few oddballs, but overall most online daters are busy professionals who just don’t have time to meet people in bars and clubs. Anyone that gives online dating a go is obviously a little adventurous .

2) I can’t put my photo up –  what if someone I know sees it?

In order to see your photo, they would have to be on the website themselves. Most people don’t have an issue putting their photo on social media sites like Facebook, so why would you be worried about a private members site? A profile without a photo is a bit like sending out a CV without any jobs listed on it – pointless!

3) What if I get stuck on a date with someone I can’t stand?

This is the reason why I suggest you never arrange a drinks or dinner date. Instead, say you are busy and just meet for an hour for coffee. If you don’t get on, you can leave. If you hit it off, you can always meet again or “cancel” your other plans!

4) Doesn’t everyone lie on their profile?

I’ m not going to deny that white lies are common – after all the intention is to present the very best possible version of “you” However, bigger fibs are rare as they are instantly obvious once you do meet. There’s no point saying you are 6ft2 if you are really 5ft 5 as you won’t get away with. Therefore nobody would dare to pretend they are.

5)  Isn’t online dating expensive?

What would you pay for a gym membership or a night out? Most online dating sites work out more expensive if you only sign up for one month, but almost all sites can work out much cheaper if you do it over the long term. You really do get what you pay for and you are paying for the security, quality and anonymity they site offers.

So don’t delay, get started now!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.muslimsinglesolution.com/blog